Forward thinking and procrastination.

I am guilty of both. For instance, right now I should be working, but I am writing. That is because, primarily, working is working, and writing is not working. Writing might be working if I worked as a writer, but since I work as a teacher, writing is leisure. Reading, on the other hand, especially when I'm reading essays, is working.

Right now, I am procrastinating in regard to my job. I should be reading essays. However, I am forward thinking in regard to my life because I would rather be working as a writer. I don't think I fully realized that until this year.

In the past - now I'm procrastinating and backward-thinking - writing was always a fantasy in the back of my daydreams, like a ship with red sails bound for unknown ports. Unfortunately, I was never on the ship. I was on an island in the middle of the ocean, worrying about getting my feet wet or being crushed by unforseen storms.

Now - back to the present - I am recognizing that, despite my past disdain of people who claim that if they didn't write they would die, it may be the case that if I don't write, I'm not really living. At least, not in the way that I want to live.

I have this sense that now is the time. I've been waiting for years, trying to do the reasonable thing, and I'm relatively good at the reasonable thing. I've gotten awards for doing the reasonable thing. However, if I'm pretty good at doing reasonable things, when in my heart I am without a doubt an unreasonable person, how much better would I be at doing something unreasonable and slightly preposterous, like trying to make a living as a writer?